Erasure: The Devil's Luck

[caramelsilver]

Title: The Devil's Luck
Erased by: caramelsilver
Original text by: sgrio | With Cast Iron Blood
Fandom: Supernatural


for him when he arrived
all sharp edges and
booted foot on graveyard earth.
He held up the gun,
open the damn gate, or your brother spends eternity in Hell
Your choice.

the gate was open and
pressing hands
he was in Hell
he fell
You had to fall into blood.

The air was thick with sulfur and smoke
was black and grey,
mud and rock for miles.
clouds, black and roiling
above washed-out landscape.

It was easy to lose in Hell
no sun, no sky, for that matter.
He counted.
five hundred and fifty three
five hundred and twelve
a man came.

The Devil
out here was no trouble
you came all the way down here?
he could fix everything and save his brother
for eternity he stopped

turned to himself «I want my brother,»
he smiled a little; you can deal
the Crossroads came screaming and
his brother died for the world’s stupidest deal
killed one and damned both

his brother steeled himself, fixed a deal
I got this gun
I got this gun
let him go
Please

There’s fire and knives and pain
I promise
The Devil watched and there was sympathy

Fuck

give me the gun

the pocket of graceless magic that had to be
worth a soul

dear God, shoot the Devil

and a smile flitted across
A smile curled across

he looked up from the gun,
You would go to Hell for your brother
Well.
Something curled in his gut

went to hell, pulled him out

fire my two hands

legions under my control
I know you

this once
They had the Devil’s luck
Just this once.

Comments

[caramelsilver.livejournal.com]

*beams* So glad you liked it. I read yours and I then I read mine and I was struck by how very different our styles are. I'm very fond of the abstract and yours tells a story!

This was so much fun and relaxing to do over a weekend &hearts

[zempasuchil.livejournal.com]

COOL

I really like the crossroads came screaming, and also the bit before it, for eternity he stopped - it makes me think of the Emily Dickinson poem, I stopped for Death because he would not stop for me.

I also really like this stanza and the repetition in it. great rhythm!
his brother steeled himself, fixed a deal
I got this gun
I got this gun
let him go
Please

the pocket of graceless magic that had to be
worth a soul - this is also really really great. graceless magic, oooh.

and, great end bit, making a sweet title :D The Devil's Luck indeed.

[caramelsilver.livejournal.com]

*beams* (Your reviews are always so awesome!)

I really liked the I got this gun stanza too. I think I really like repetition and rhythm.

Thank you so much for this review. I can't wait for the erasureathon to begin. Both doing and reading erasures are so much fun!

[zempasuchil.livejournal.com]

:D I'm excited for it too! and excited that you're excited! whee, erasure.

[redsilverchains.livejournal.com]

Gorgeous stuff! I especially love that it's a different story from the original.

This medium has intrigued me for a while--are there any rules on how to create one?

[caramelsilver.livejournal.com]

Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed it.

The rules of erasures is simply take the work of someone else, and erase away words until you get something pretty and make a poem. The only rule is that you cannot add any words.

[redsilverchains.livejournal.com]

Can they be jumbled around, out of order?

[caramelsilver.livejournal.com]

Hmm... No. At least I don't do that... No, I don't think that's allowed. You have to be able to post the fic and just blank out the words you didn't use and when you highlight it the fic is all there. Go over at erasureathon and look at the different ways people did it there. One girl even drew a dragon over the words she didn't use. It's pretty awesome.

[redsilverchains.livejournal.com]

Oh, I see, just wanted to make sure. I have something in mind, not a fic, but I'll give it a whirl.
Thanks!

[caramelsilver.livejournal.com]

Cool! You know you can erase pretty much anything. It's actually a legitimate art form. One dude erased Paradise Lost I think. lizzie_marie_23 erased some parts of the bible. You can pretty much go nuts=)