Fic: All Manner of Things (Shall Be Well)
Jan. 4th, 2010 07:44 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
caramelsilverTitle: All Manner of Things (Shall Be Well)
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
caramelsilver
Fandom: Chronicles of Narnia
Rating: PG
Word count: 6600
Warnings: Genderbend (girl!Edmund)
Summary: All through her life Lucy has always been there. Edlyn had not always appreciated that, but as they grow up, so does their relationship.
AN: Written as a Christmas present forlizzie_marie_23 who wanted:"Edlyn growing up jealous of Lucy, but then once they get to Narnia they start to respect each other." Title is paraphrased from Little Gidding a poem written by T.S Eliot. Thank you to grim_lupine for the quick and brilliant beta.
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All Matter of Things (Shall Be Well)
4.
Peter and Susan had deemed her too young to join them in their game, and when she had tried to follow them, they ran away so fast that Edlyn couldn't catch them.
Slamming the door as hard as a four-year-old could, she walked into the house screaming to her mother that "It wasn't fair!"
Her mother sat her down and said to her kindly, "Darling, sometimes Susan and Peter want to play games that you are too young to play and that's alright."
Edlyn's lip quivered. "Why can't they stay and play with me?"
Mother smiled and said, "They will be back in a couple of hours, dear, and I'm sure that they wouldn't mind playing with you then." She gave Edlyn a hug before going back to the kitchen.
Edlyn pouted a while longer until that became too boring. She went to find Peter's new toy train, which he had gotten for Christmas and started to loudly play with it in the parlour. Just when the train was about to arrive at the Carpet End Station, her mother yelled "Please, Edlyn! Not so loud." Edlyn made her "tshoo-tshoos" a fraction more silent, but apparently that was not good enough for Mother, who came out with her hands on her hips and a Dissatisfied Look upon her face.
"Edlyn Marie Pevensie!" Edlyn looked at Mother with a guilty face. Middle names were never a good sign. "When I tell you to be silent, you will!" Mother continued. Edlyn nodded in compliance. "Is that Peter's new toy?" Mother exclaimed.
"Yeees," Edlyn said, sucking on her lower lip.
Mother frowned at her and said, "You know Peter doesn't like it when you play with his toys, dear."
Edlyn looked down and pouted. She knew it, but she hated it, because his toys were so much more fun than hers. Mother bent down and took the train from her hands. "You may ask Peter later, when he comes back, if you can play with his train," she said mildly and put the train on a tall shelf.
"But what am I going to do until he comes back?" Edlyn whined.
"My dear, Lucy just woke up from her nap, you can play with her," Mother said with a brilliant smile.
A grimace passed her face, but now that Peter's train was on the Very Tall Shelf, what choice did she have? Edlyn nodded.
The biggest smile was on Lucy's face when Mother carried her into the parlour. A flash of warmth flew through Edlyn's body. At least someone was happy to be with her today.
"Edly!" Lucy exclaimed when she spotted her, and threw out her arms, ready to be hugged, even before Mother had put her down. Her little sister was at her side the instant her feet hit the floor and she said, "Wanna play pirates?" with her blue eyes shining with hope. Pirates was a game Peter had come up with a couple of months ago and Lucy loved it more than any other game. Edlyn loved it too, but only when Peter and Susan were with them. But today she was mad at Peter and Susan, so she agreed.
For an hour the two girls ran around the room chasing each other and laughing with joy. They didn't need Peter and Susan. They had fun on their own!
**
8.
They were playing ball in the garden. It was Peter and Edlyn against Lucy and Susan. At the moment Susan and Lucy were in the lead because Peter had let Lucy score. Edlyn was so angry at him, how could he deliberately let Lucy score? And she knew he had cheated because he had made an incredibly fake fall to the left when Lucy had clearly gone right.
It was their turn to start and Peter winked at her, but she was still angry at him, so she just scowled back. He kicked the ball to her and she ran with it and easily passed Susan, who wasn't very good at football. Lucy was standing in front of the goal and Edlyn kicked the ball as hard as she could, which was fairly hard for a eight-year-old, and Lucy caught it straight in the stomach.
For a moment, it seemed like everything slowed down and Edlyn could see what happened next perfectly. Lucy fell back and hit the ground with a loud thump. Peter was running towards her before she even hit the ground and so was Susan. A loud wail came from Lucy, before everything went back to normal.
Lucy was crying into Susan's arms, while Peter sat down beside her and made shushing noises. Edlyn wasn't sure what to do. It wasn't like she meant to make her cry, she was just caught up in the moment, and angry that Peter had let her score. But on the other hand, Lucy was being such a baby! It was just a ball, for crying out loud. It wasn't like she broke anything.
Still standing where she had shot the ball, she awkwardly ground her foot into the ground and looked over at her siblings. Peter caught her eye and nodded towards Lucy, who was still crying, in a way that clearly said, "say you're sorry!"
Shaking her head, and raising her eyebrows, Edlyn refused the silent command. Peter frowned angrily at her and got up from where he was sitting beside Lucy.
When he reached her, he said in a loud whisper, "Why won't you apologise?"
"I didn't do anything wrong, Peter!" she answered.
"You hurt Lucy!" he said.
"Yes, but I didn't mean to! And it was in the middle of a game!"
"You might not have done it on purpose, but you are sorry that she got hurt, aren't you?" he asked, looking at her searchingly.
She wrinkled her forehead and was about to say yes, because that was what he expected her to say. But... was she sorry? No, not really. If Lucy couldn't handle the game, then she shouldn't play. "No, I'm not," Edlyn said, and raised her chin defiantly.
Peter's eyes flashed with anger. "What?" he exclaimed. She had always done what Peter said, even when she was angry with him. But today was not like other days. She didn't feel like doing what Peter said. While it was unfortunate that Lucy would get so hurt by a lousy football, it was, after all, just a football. And Lucy had stopped crying now. It wasn't her fault, and she wouldn't apologise for something that wasn't her fault.
"You go and say you are sorry to Lucy right now!" Peter said and pointed towards Susan and Lucy, who had gotten up from the ground.
Shaking her head vehemently, Edlyn refused. Peter's hand twitched, and in a flash, Edlyn knew that if she had been a boy then Peter would have hit her.
"Do it!" she snarled. "Slap me! I know you want to."
Peter looked at her with surprise, and then he looked ashamed. "I will never hit you, Ed," he said sadly. "No matter how angry I am with you." With that, he walked away from her and over to Lucy's side.
**
10.
The train station was a mess of loud voices, screaming children and smoke. Edlyn couldn't stand it. Mother was hanging a label on her too small coat, a coat she had inherited from Susan and that was finally becoming too small. Edlyn had hoped she might get a new one soon, a new coat bought just for her, but then Father had to go away to war and talk of new things never happened anymore. Her mother kept touching her, making absolutely sure that the label wouldn't fall off, and while her hands worked she kept trying to catch Edlyn's eye, her face desperate for her daughter to understand. Edlyn didn't. She was furious at Mother for sending them away. Mother finally gave up and gave her a kiss, which Edlyn allowed, but didn't make a move to welcome.
There were soldiers all around the platform, some injured on their way home, and some were young and fresh, sent out to fight. When would her father come home? Would he come home at all? She saw Peter look at them longingly and she instantly became angry at him. That he could even think of wanting to join them, to think about leaving them. Leaving her. She hated this stupid war, and she hated that Peter wanted to fight, and she hated being sent away from her mother.
"The country is boring," she said, complaining about something mundane, instead of the war, which she knew no complaining could do anything about.
"Boring is safe, Edlyn!" Susan snapped.
"If Father were here, he wouldn't make us go," Edlyn continued. Her mother’s face crumbled and Peter looked at her, enraged.
"If Father were here, the war would be over and we wouldn't have to go!" His eyes were full of fire, urging her to be quiet and not upset Mother further.
Mother went on to fuss at Peter, who let her. "Promise me you'll look after the others?" Mother said pleadingly, while hugging him.
She heard Peter mumble back that he would. Edlyn wrinkled her eyebrows a little. She didn't need looking after! She was ten, after all.
But when it was time to board the train, Edlyn was unwilling to go. Susan had to push her to move.
"I know how to get on a train," Edlyn snapped, but kept dragging her feet. She kept looking back, sneaking glances at her mother. She would never admit it out loud, but she would miss her terribly.
A tiny hand slipped into her's and she looked down to see Lucy as sad and scared as she was. "Let's go, Edly," Lucy said, sucking on her lower lip, just like Edlyn used to do. Lucy hadn't called her Edly in years, and Edlyn smiled and squeezed her hand back.
She was grateful to Lucy for holding her hand, even if she'd never admit it. The four of them boarded the train in a miserable silence, none of them willing to leave their mother. Lucy, Peter and Susan waved to Mother as the train left the station. Edlyn didn't because there wasn't any room. They finally found an empty compartment and they sat down in silence.
**
11.
It was their first night in Cair Paravel and Edlyn was... not scared- she didn't think anyone could feel scared in this wonderful castle- but she felt uncomfortable. She wasn't sure if she had any right to be there. No matter what Aslan had said, she had done some horrible things.
Her room was so big, and the bed she was sleeping in would have been large enough for all of her siblings. Lying awake among the wonderfully soft sheets, Edlyn wondered how they would be able to do this. If the people of Narnia were to be trusted, then they were supposed to be the monarchs of Narnia! In a day's time she would become a queen! It was unbelievable and very, very scary.
There was a noise from the door that adjoined Lucy's room and Edlyn flew out of the bed ready to defend herself. The memories from her time with the Witch were still fresh in her mind and the scars on her back had not yet healed completely. As the door opened a blonde head peeked around the door sill. "Are you awake, Ed?"
Visibly relaxing and heaving a sigh of relief, Edlyn smiled and said, "Yes, Lu, yes I am."
A brilliant smile appeared on her sister's face and Lucy came into the room fully. "Could I stay here with you for a while?" she asked. "It's so lovely here, it's not that. It's just... I'm having trouble falling asleep. I've never slept in a room of my own before." Lucy looked shyly down at the floor.
Edlyn sat down on her bed again and patted the mattress in a silent gesture for Lucy to come and sit down. "Of course." She didn't say that she had trouble sleeping for the exact same reason, even if it was the truth. Some secrets an older sister should be allowed to have.
Lucy ran over and bounced on the mattress. "Thank you, Ed."
They laid down side by side in the dark. "Do you think we can do it?" Edlyn asked her after a while. Her voice was low and unsure.
"Do what?" Lucy asked and turned to look at her.
"This," she said, waving her hand, indicating the room and everything else. "Narnia. Being queens."
Lucy was silent for a while, thinking over what Edlyn had just said. "Yes," she said finally. It had taken her so long to answer that Edlyn started to wonder if Lucy hadn't fallen asleep. "I trust Aslan and he doesn't make mistakes."
"Not even me?" Edlyn asked, her voice small.
"You are not a mistake!" Lucy snapped, surprising Edlyn. "You have always been, and will always be, worth saving." Her voice was gentle and full of love, and Edlyn had never been more happy to have a little sister. It was like Lucy was reading her mind and allaying all the fears she didn't have the courage to say out loud.
Edlyn reached for Lucy's hand, "Thank you, Lu."
They fell asleep side by side, and in the morning, the world didn't seem so scary.
**
13.
Edlyn looked at the dress critically. It wasn't ugly, per say, just very... pink. "No," she said resolutely, hoping Susan would give up at once.
Obviously that was just a dream, as Edlyn knew well enough, even as Susan opened her mouth and said, "But Ed! Just try it on. You'll see how lovely you'll look in it!"
"No," Edlyn said again. "The day I'll wear that dress is the day I die, and no longer have a say. And I'll tell you this, if you bury me in a dress like that, I'll come back to haunt you! I swear." The dress was a light baby pink and there was no way in entire Narnia and beyond that she would wear that dress to her own knighting.
Susan, her nose flaring in anger, looked this close to stomping her foot. "Edlyn," she pleaded. "At least try the dress on before dismissing it."
Opening her mouth, ready to say no again, Edlyn looked up as the door opened. With her hands filled with brightly coloured dresses, Lucy entered the room. The dresses Lucy was carrying had nice colours, like blood red and forest green. Edlyn smiled and her eyes lit up. Spinning on her heel towards Susan, she said excitedly, "See! That's the kind of dresses I want to wear!"
Susan rolled her eyes and put down the pink dress. One thing about her older sister, she knew when to give up and admit defeat. "Well, let's see those dresses, then, Lu."
Beaming, Lucy arranged the dresses on Edlyn's bed and said, "I knew she would never agree to any of the dresses you wanted to put her in, so I got these instead!" She looked over at Susan, pleased with herself.
Edlyn wrinkled her forehead and said, "You've discussed my dresses?"
"Of course, dear," Susan said, with a dismissive wave of her hand. "Unlike you, we actually care about this occasion and have been planning for it for months. Your dress choices were made a month ago."
Edlyn looked at them puzzled and turned to Lucy as if to verify what Susan said, even if she had no doubts in the truthfulness of her sister's statement. Lucy nodded.
Shrugging, Edlyn went over to look at the newly arrived garments. Lucy had done well. She picked up a deep green dress made out of velvet and silk and went to put it on.
While changing she heard Susan say to Lucy, "At least you got her to try one of them on. I've been trying to talk her into doing that for thirty minutes now."
Lucy giggled. "It's all about the colours, Su. She's about to be knighted. She doesn't want to look like a girl."
Edlyn was astounded to hear how well Lucy understood her. She came out from behind the changing screen and cleared her throat to get her sisters' attention.
They both smiled when they saw her and Susan said, "That looks beautiful on you, Ed." Lucy nodded in agreement.
She twirled and the dress flew around her. She really liked it; the colour was wonderful and the fabric was so nice and soft against her skin.
"I think I want to wear this one," Edlyn said, and she laughed when Susan beamed with pleasure. "But where will I hide my knives?"
**
16.
The man had been talking for a while now, and Edlyn was incredibly bored. Even Susan, who had the longest attention span Edlyn had ever encountered, was starting to shift in her throne. Peter was softly snoring in his seat and Edlyn was unsure if she should loudly ask him to stop making such noise, or wait until the snores became full-blown minotaur grunting, which she knew would come soon. A pleading look from Lucy made her decide on neither and she kicked Peter in the shins instead.
He woke with a start and interrupted the man with a "Yes, that's very interesting," to cover up his impromptu nap. Of course, the only one who hadn't noticed the High King's behavior was the page who had been doing the talking.
Oddly enough, even though the man had been talking for thirty minutes straight, none of them were quite certain of what he was actually talking about.
"That's great, Master Lurn, but could you perhaps get to the point?" Susan asked in a mildly reprimanding voice.
The man, Master Lurn, blushed in shame as he realised that he had yet to make his point. "I'm sorry, Your Majesty. The reason I'm here is that my master, the Count of Delibree, wishes to ask permission to court Queen Edlyn of Narnia."
The entire hall went abruptly silent. No one had ever come to ask for Edlyn. No one. Plenty came for Susan, who after all was eighteen now, and some even came for Lucy. (Lucy's suitors were kindly asked to leave at once, before the High King felt the need to kill them.) But no one had ever wanted to court Edlyn. She was stunned. It wasn't as if she hadn’t ever wondered why no one came asking for her, and she had been a bit jealous when Lucy received suitors before her. But she had never yearned for them.
They were all looking at her and she realised that they expected her to say something. She looked around in panic, searching for the words.
"Absolutely not!" Peter thundered and got up from his throne. He looked quite magnificent, with his broad shoulders and tall frame. His eyes were cold as ice and the poor man fell back in surprise. "You can tell your master that I do not give him permission to court Queen Edlyn, as Queen Edlyn is not old enough to get married!" Peter's voice was loud and filled the entire room. "Is that clear?" he asked, his voice low and menacing. The poor man nodded as he scrambled out of the Great Hall.
The room was silent as Peter sat down again. "Was that all for today?" he casually asked the Chamberlain. When the Chamberlain conferred with his parchment before nodding, Peter quickly got up and said, "Court dismissed," before leaving.
The three queens sat still in a shocked silence, before Edlyn sprung up from her seat with thunder and murder in her eyes. Running after Peter, she didn't catch him until she saw him go into his office.
"What the hell was that?" she yelled as she banged open his office door.
Peter didn't seem too surprised to see her as he looked up from a piece of parchment. She knew he hadn't been reading it and that it was only a ruse to look busy. "Hmm?" he said, the lousy bastard.
"What the hell made you answer like that?" she said. "That was even worse than the first time someone came asking for Lucy!" Edlyn said, pacing.
Peter looked embarrassed and put down his fake important parchment. "I don't entirely know why, Ed," he admitted. "Just the thought of some bloke coming to court you made me unbelievably angry." He shook his head.
"I can speak for myself, Peter," Edlyn said, a bit milder this time. "I had absolutely no intention of saying yes."
A sheepish smile appeared on his face. "Sorry?" he said hopeful. "It's just... You're my best friend, Ed. I guess I just got a bit jealous of the idea of some man coming here and taking up all your time..." He scratched his head. "Will you forgive me? I promise to never do such a thing again." His eyes pleaded with her to understand.
She smiled and sat down on the chair next to him, reaching out to take his hand. "I will promise you this: I swear by the power of Aslan and my love for you and Narnia, that I will never leave for a man. I will never leave you." She looked him deep in the eyes and hoped he understood that she would never swear by Aslan unless she really meant it.
Peter's eyes widened in surprise. Then he squeezed her hand. "Thank you."
"But next time, let me be the one to tell him to fuck off," Edlyn said. "Like I would ever even consider a man who sends a bumbling idiot- who takes half an hour to get to his point- to speak for him. If someone wants me bad enough they will come to speak for themselves!"
**
20.
The Dancing Lawn was filled with merry bonfires, and fairy-lights were hanging in every available tree. It was Queen Lucy’s eighteenth birthday and all of Narnia had shown up to celebrate. All the monarchs' birthdays were considered a Narnian holiday (the Narnians never missed an opportunity to throw a party), but Lucy’s was considered a little more special. All of Narnia loved Lucy, and since her birthday was in the middle of summer, a giant party was held at the Dancing Lawn every year.
The sun had long since set and Edlyn was beyond the point of tipsy, as were her siblings.
"Edlyn! Come dance with me," said Lucy, dancing a few yards away from Edlyn, who was lounging under a tree with Peter.
Edlyn laughed, but shook her head. She was tired and felt quite cozy there, with her head in her brother’s lap.
"You must!" Lucy insisted. "It’s my birthday and I demand that you come dance with me," she said, swinging her hips from side to side.
Edlyn got up and curtsied in front of Lucy. "As you wish, my queen!" she said and took Lucy’s outstretched hand.
Together the two sisters ran across the lawn, giggling, dancing and twirling together.
After a while, a young, handsome man from Archenland came to intercept them. Facing them both, he said, "May I cut in?" gesturing towards Lucy, indicating that he wanted to dance with her. Lucy blushed a light pink, not yet accustomed to male attention. Edlyn nodded and pulled away.
As she watched Lucy being whisked out on the dance floor, a low voice whispered in Edlyn’s ear, "You have no idea how hard it is for me to not tell that bloke to go to hell!"
Edlyn smirked and turned in Peter’s arms. "You'll just have to get used to it. She’s eighteen and gorgeous. They’ll be flocking to our door."
Peter nodded thoughtfully, then his face cleared and his focus was solely on her. "May I have this dance, m’lady?" he asked with a bow.
She giggled and curtsied in return. "Certainly, m’lord."
**
22.
The garden was silent and the concealed door was unlocked like she had come to expect. As Edlyn walked up the secret hallway that lead to Peter’s chambers, she thought about how lucky she had been tonight. She had been balancing on a tight rope and, in hindsight, she realised she should never have gone alone.
She pushed open the door, which in Peter’s room looked like a bookcase, and was instantly greeted by a lively, warm fire. Sighing in relief, Edlyn shed her heavy cloak and let it fall to the floor with no thought of picking it up.
"Peter, you have no idea how happy I am to be home," she said as she continued into the room.
All she could see was the blond head of the person sitting in the comfy chair, and when Edlyn got no reply, she frowned and thought Peter might have fallen asleep.
"Peter, are you a..." Edlyn started to say, but then the figure rose from the chair and it immediately became clear that the blond hair did not belong to Peter.
"I’m not Peter, Ed," Lucy said as she turned to face Edlyn.
Edlyn looked at her little sister in shock, unable to say anything. Lucy looked hurt and angry. "Sit down, Ed. You and I are going to have a little talk."
Still in shock, Edlyn did as Lucy said. "Where’s Peter?" was all she managed to say.
"Asleep," Lucy said shortly and threw her head in the direction of Peter’s bed.
Frowning, Edlyn asked, "How the hell did you manage that?"
"I drugged his tea," Lucy said with a shrug and an unapologetic face.
Edlyn nodded and kept silent. Lucy obviously had something she wanted to say to her, and Edlyn was still too tired from her midnight meeting and too shocked to see Lucy there to take any control over the conversation.
"Where have you been?" Lucy asked, her voice low and her eyes boring into Edlyn’s.
Not expecting that to be the first question, Edlyn shied away. "I can’t tell you that."
Lucy’s eyes lit up with anger. "You will tell me!" she said. "I’m sick of all the sneaking about and shying away from the truth."
Edlyn closed her eyes, tired. There was an unspoken agreement among the four siblings: Edlyn sometimes did things they didn’t speak about, things that were good for Narnia, but should not be known. The one who knew the most was Peter. He sat up the nights she went away and welcomed her home without any questions. She never told him anything, unless he asked. She had made a vow to herself long ago that she would never lie to her siblings. Now that Lucy demanded to get some answers, Edlyn had no choice but to tell her.
"Are you sure you want to know?" Edlyn asked with a sigh.
Lucy’s face softened and she nodded. "I know it's bad, but that’s why I need to know." She reached over to take a hold of Edlyn’s hand. "I see how tired you get. I think it would be better if someone else knew the full extent too."
She leaned back, just enjoying the feel of Lucy’s hand in her own for a while, before opening her eyes and answering. "There’s a reason why you don’t know," she said, trying in vain to make Lucy change her mind. "It’s ugly and you will never be able to go back once you know it."
A nod and a tight squeeze of her hand and Edlyn started talking. For years now, she had built up a network of spies who reported back to her about everything that went on. She had spies in Galma, Terebinthia, Calormen and Archenland. Everywhere where there might be threats to Narnia, Edlyn had people reporting back to her. Her job was to protect Narnia before the need for swords arose.
Through all of this Lucy kept silent. When Edlyn finished talking, Lucy asked, "Where were you tonight?"
Edlyn involuntarily shivered. "I was meeting with the pack-leader of the western wolf pack."
Lucy gasped. "But- they aren't loyal to us!"
"I know," Edlyn said. "But their allegiance can be bought. That’s why I went to see Furback tonight. He was willing to negotiate."
"And you went alone!?" Lucy exclaimed in horror, fear of what could have happened written all over her face.
"Yes," Edlyn said calmly. "It was a mistake, but I did." Massaging her left shoulder, Edlyn mentally cursed her foolishness. Furback had, of course, brought more people than was agreed upon, and the minute she approached the clearing, she had been ruthlessly thrown to the ground.
"Do you do this often?" Lucy whispered.
"Go and meet dodgy characters in the night, you mean?" Edlyn asked with a raised eyebrow and a humourless smile. "Sadly, yes. Normally they don’t know who I am." Her face grew dark. "Tonight was an exception."
"Did you get what you went for?"
"Yes." As long as Lucy didn’t ask, Edlyn didn’t feel inclined to tell her exactly what that was.
Lucy wisely kept silent. "Why haven’t you told me about this before?" Lucy asked, after a few minutes of silence.
Looking wistfully into the fire, Edlyn said quietly, "I wanted to keep you away from this dirt. Your job is to keep this nation healthy and happy. Mine... is to keep it from falling into the shadows."
Lucy shook her head. "No. This is not something you should have carried on your own."
"You don’t understand!" Edlyn said forcefully, willing her sister to understand. "The things I’ve done, the things I’ve seen! I would never wish that on anyone. Do you know how many assassination attempts I’ve stopped?" Edlyn asked, leaning over her knees to get closer to Lucy. "Do you know how horrible I felt over all the ones I didn’t see coming? All the times you, Susan or Peter nearly got murdered because I didn’t do my job right?" Tears were falling down her cheeks and Lucy looked at her, distraught.
"But we’re not dead!" Lucy said, hugging her.
"Exactly!" Edlyn said. "That’s why it’s so important that someone does this job. And it always had to be me."
Lucy just nodded, not disputing what Edlyn had said.
"You have to promise me that you’ll never mention this to anybody," Edlyn said and looked at Lucy, her face serious. "The success of my missions lies in the fact that no one knows anything about them."
"I promise," Lucy said. Her eyes were serious and the burden of Edlyn’s tale was visible in her face.
Edlyn looked around the room again. The fire had almost burned out. "Will Peter wake tonight?" Edlyn asked, her voice oozing with exhaustion.
Giggling, Lucy said, "I expect he’ll wake any moment now." She rose from the arm of Edlyn’s chair where she had sat while hugging her. "I better go before he does. I expect he’ll be a bit cross with me."
Edlyn smiled, happy for the distraction from the previous subject. Lucy walked towards the door, but stopped before exiting. "I expect you're staying here tonight?" she asked.
"Yes," Edlyn nodded. "I can’t fall asleep if I’m alone after nights like these." Can't fall asleep without Peter.
Lucy left with a loving smile. "Good night then, my dearest sister."
"Good night, Lu."
When the door closed, Edlyn heaved a sigh of relief and started to undress. Lying down next to her immobile brother she snuggled close. Feeling her beside him, Peter rolled over and said sleepily, "You’re back."
"I am."
He circled her in his arms and drew her close. "Still you?"
"Still me," she answered and fell asleep in the warm embrace of her brother.
**
25.
"I don’t trust him," Lucy said as she barged into Edlyn’s office. Sitting behind her desk, reading a newly arrived report from her man in Calormen, Edlyn looked up and quickly removed the parchment from Lucy’s sight.
"Who don’t you trust, Lu?" Edlyn asked, even though she thought she knew who she was talking about.
"That slimy arse from Calormen who’s courting our sister!" Lucy exclaimed.
Edlyn smiled at Lucy’s language and rose from her seat. "And what do you propose we do about it?" she asked, mildly amused. Lucy should know by now that it was nearly impossible to talk Susan out of doing anything she set her mind to. For some reason Susan had decided she liked Rabadash of Calormen, even if it was plain to everyone else that he was dirty fish, and nothing Lucy or Edlyn said would change her mind.
"We can’t let her go!" Lucy continued. "You need to convince her not to go, Ed! She’ll listen to you!" Lucy’s voice was on the verge of desperate and Edlyn motioned for her to sit.
Seated, Lucy took a few deep breaths. "I just- I just have a bad feeling about this."
Edlyn nodded in agreement. "I know what you mean, Lu. Everything I’ve heard of Rabadash leaves me with a bad taste in my mouth, too." Their eyes met and Lucy nodded, understanding what Edlyn was not saying. "And Peter isn’t even home!" Edlyn sighed and mentally cursed Rabadash for the hundredth time. His invitation to Susan could not have come at a worse time. They had been planning the attack on the giants for months and just as Peter and Edlyn were about to leave, the letter had arrived. After reading the letter Peter had commanded her to stay at home and go with Susan to Tashbaan instead. Having no other choice than to follow his orders, and essentially agreeing with him that Susan could not go alone, Edlyn grudgingly stayed behind as Peter rode out to war without her.
"Susan refused to even listen to what I have to say," Lucy moaned. "She’s really angry at me. Just a minute ago she screamed that I just wanted to refuse her the right to be happy! Have you heard anything more ridiculous?" Lucy said, clearly offended.
"She fancies herself in love," Edlyn said with a snort. "There’s nothing we can do. All we can hope for is that she will see him for what he is when we are in Tashbaan."
Lucy nodded.
A knock on the door jolted the two queens out of their thoughts. "Come in," Edlyn called. A squirrel came in and said with a bow, "The captain of the Splendor Hyaline is here to see you, Queen Edlyn."
"Thank you, Maurry," said Edlyn with a smile.
"I’ll go then," Lucy said and stood up.
"Yes, you had better. I’ll see you at dinner, Lu." Edlyn’s thoughts were already with the captain and the planning of the voyage to Calormen.
**
26.
"I feel as if I’ve been here before," Lucy said and looked around the woods behind the Lamp Post.
"So do I, dear sister," said Peter as he tied his horse to a nearby tree.
"Then let us explore this unknown, yet familiar place," Edlyn suggested and followed Peter’s lead.
Only Susan was still seated on her horse and looked at them with doubt. "Shouldn’t we just go back?" she asked uncertain.
"Su! Where’s your sense of adventure?" Lucy admonished and sprang into the woods, Edlyn and Peter hot on her heels. Susan sighed, but followed as well.
**
10.
It was raining again and the four Pevensie children walked silently around the house without much conversation. It was unbelievable what had happened, and no words could possibly express what all of them felt.
Edlyn walked around in a daze, still not used to the body of a ten-year-old, still not used to being so small. Professor Kirke's house held no magic any more. It wasn't nearly as big and grand as it had seemed the first time they had arrived, so long ago. There was nothing to do and there was nothing to say, and Edlyn had never felt so broken before.
On the second day back, the second day of being back in England, the second day of being children again, Edlyn found herself drawn back to the spare room. Unable to stop herself, she walked in, hope of this all being a huge mistake still lingering in the back of her mind. The wardrobe was just as breathtaking as it had always been. The carvings were clearly identifiable as the story of how Narnia had come to exist. Professor Kirke had told them all about it when they explained to him why four fur coats were gone from his wardrobe. Edlyn had been familiar with the tale, so had her siblings, but it had been wonderful to hear the story from someone who had been there. For an hour, the ache in her chest didn’t hurt as much, and Narnia didn’t feel so very far away.
Deep in her own musings, it took Edlyn a while to hear the weak sobbing coming from the wardrobe. Approaching the door, she opened it up slowly, ready to defend herself, if necessary. With her back against the wardrobe wall, among the remaining fur coats sat Lucy with her head buried in her hands and her knees drawn up to her body.
With a sad sigh, Edlyn opened the door up wide and went to sit down next to her sister.
"I miss it so much I might die," Lucy said. A sentence that would have sounded overly dramatic in any other context felt just right now.
Edlyn nodded. "What did we do wrong?" she asked, knowing deep down that they had done nothing, but still felt the need to ask the question out loud in case Lucy had an answer.
"Nothing," Lucy said with a wail. "We did nothing wrong!" She sniffled and continued, "He must have a plan, He must. There’s a reason that we can’t see," she said in a voice that was desperate and she looked like she needed something to hold onto.
"Yes," Edlyn agreed. She didn’t doubt Aslan either. She knew He loved them, and He would never do anything that was bad for them.
She reached out to hold Lucy’s hand, needing something to cling to. It was a hollow comfort to know that she was not alone. And hadn’t she always said that no matter where she was, as long as her siblings were with her she would manage? Home was where they were.
"I love you, Lucy," Edlyn whispered, painfully aware that she didn’t tell her often enough.
She could hear the smile in Lucy’s reply, "I love you too, Edly."
They sat there in silence. Except for each other, the warm wood of the wardrobe pressing into their backs were the last link to Narnia they had left.
Finis.
Author:
caramelsilverFandom: Chronicles of Narnia
Rating: PG
Word count: 6600
Warnings: Genderbend (girl!Edmund)
Summary: All through her life Lucy has always been there. Edlyn had not always appreciated that, but as they grow up, so does their relationship.
AN: Written as a Christmas present for
lizzie_marie_23 who wanted:"Edlyn growing up jealous of Lucy, but then once they get to Narnia they start to respect each other." Title is paraphrased from Little Gidding a poem written by T.S Eliot. Thank you to grim_lupine for the quick and brilliant beta.Click here if you want to read it on a white background
4.
Peter and Susan had deemed her too young to join them in their game, and when she had tried to follow them, they ran away so fast that Edlyn couldn't catch them.
Slamming the door as hard as a four-year-old could, she walked into the house screaming to her mother that "It wasn't fair!"
Her mother sat her down and said to her kindly, "Darling, sometimes Susan and Peter want to play games that you are too young to play and that's alright."
Edlyn's lip quivered. "Why can't they stay and play with me?"
Mother smiled and said, "They will be back in a couple of hours, dear, and I'm sure that they wouldn't mind playing with you then." She gave Edlyn a hug before going back to the kitchen.
Edlyn pouted a while longer until that became too boring. She went to find Peter's new toy train, which he had gotten for Christmas and started to loudly play with it in the parlour. Just when the train was about to arrive at the Carpet End Station, her mother yelled "Please, Edlyn! Not so loud." Edlyn made her "tshoo-tshoos" a fraction more silent, but apparently that was not good enough for Mother, who came out with her hands on her hips and a Dissatisfied Look upon her face.
"Edlyn Marie Pevensie!" Edlyn looked at Mother with a guilty face. Middle names were never a good sign. "When I tell you to be silent, you will!" Mother continued. Edlyn nodded in compliance. "Is that Peter's new toy?" Mother exclaimed.
"Yeees," Edlyn said, sucking on her lower lip.
Mother frowned at her and said, "You know Peter doesn't like it when you play with his toys, dear."
Edlyn looked down and pouted. She knew it, but she hated it, because his toys were so much more fun than hers. Mother bent down and took the train from her hands. "You may ask Peter later, when he comes back, if you can play with his train," she said mildly and put the train on a tall shelf.
"But what am I going to do until he comes back?" Edlyn whined.
"My dear, Lucy just woke up from her nap, you can play with her," Mother said with a brilliant smile.
A grimace passed her face, but now that Peter's train was on the Very Tall Shelf, what choice did she have? Edlyn nodded.
The biggest smile was on Lucy's face when Mother carried her into the parlour. A flash of warmth flew through Edlyn's body. At least someone was happy to be with her today.
"Edly!" Lucy exclaimed when she spotted her, and threw out her arms, ready to be hugged, even before Mother had put her down. Her little sister was at her side the instant her feet hit the floor and she said, "Wanna play pirates?" with her blue eyes shining with hope. Pirates was a game Peter had come up with a couple of months ago and Lucy loved it more than any other game. Edlyn loved it too, but only when Peter and Susan were with them. But today she was mad at Peter and Susan, so she agreed.
For an hour the two girls ran around the room chasing each other and laughing with joy. They didn't need Peter and Susan. They had fun on their own!
**
8.
They were playing ball in the garden. It was Peter and Edlyn against Lucy and Susan. At the moment Susan and Lucy were in the lead because Peter had let Lucy score. Edlyn was so angry at him, how could he deliberately let Lucy score? And she knew he had cheated because he had made an incredibly fake fall to the left when Lucy had clearly gone right.
It was their turn to start and Peter winked at her, but she was still angry at him, so she just scowled back. He kicked the ball to her and she ran with it and easily passed Susan, who wasn't very good at football. Lucy was standing in front of the goal and Edlyn kicked the ball as hard as she could, which was fairly hard for a eight-year-old, and Lucy caught it straight in the stomach.
For a moment, it seemed like everything slowed down and Edlyn could see what happened next perfectly. Lucy fell back and hit the ground with a loud thump. Peter was running towards her before she even hit the ground and so was Susan. A loud wail came from Lucy, before everything went back to normal.
Lucy was crying into Susan's arms, while Peter sat down beside her and made shushing noises. Edlyn wasn't sure what to do. It wasn't like she meant to make her cry, she was just caught up in the moment, and angry that Peter had let her score. But on the other hand, Lucy was being such a baby! It was just a ball, for crying out loud. It wasn't like she broke anything.
Still standing where she had shot the ball, she awkwardly ground her foot into the ground and looked over at her siblings. Peter caught her eye and nodded towards Lucy, who was still crying, in a way that clearly said, "say you're sorry!"
Shaking her head, and raising her eyebrows, Edlyn refused the silent command. Peter frowned angrily at her and got up from where he was sitting beside Lucy.
When he reached her, he said in a loud whisper, "Why won't you apologise?"
"I didn't do anything wrong, Peter!" she answered.
"You hurt Lucy!" he said.
"Yes, but I didn't mean to! And it was in the middle of a game!"
"You might not have done it on purpose, but you are sorry that she got hurt, aren't you?" he asked, looking at her searchingly.
She wrinkled her forehead and was about to say yes, because that was what he expected her to say. But... was she sorry? No, not really. If Lucy couldn't handle the game, then she shouldn't play. "No, I'm not," Edlyn said, and raised her chin defiantly.
Peter's eyes flashed with anger. "What?" he exclaimed. She had always done what Peter said, even when she was angry with him. But today was not like other days. She didn't feel like doing what Peter said. While it was unfortunate that Lucy would get so hurt by a lousy football, it was, after all, just a football. And Lucy had stopped crying now. It wasn't her fault, and she wouldn't apologise for something that wasn't her fault.
"You go and say you are sorry to Lucy right now!" Peter said and pointed towards Susan and Lucy, who had gotten up from the ground.
Shaking her head vehemently, Edlyn refused. Peter's hand twitched, and in a flash, Edlyn knew that if she had been a boy then Peter would have hit her.
"Do it!" she snarled. "Slap me! I know you want to."
Peter looked at her with surprise, and then he looked ashamed. "I will never hit you, Ed," he said sadly. "No matter how angry I am with you." With that, he walked away from her and over to Lucy's side.
**
10.
The train station was a mess of loud voices, screaming children and smoke. Edlyn couldn't stand it. Mother was hanging a label on her too small coat, a coat she had inherited from Susan and that was finally becoming too small. Edlyn had hoped she might get a new one soon, a new coat bought just for her, but then Father had to go away to war and talk of new things never happened anymore. Her mother kept touching her, making absolutely sure that the label wouldn't fall off, and while her hands worked she kept trying to catch Edlyn's eye, her face desperate for her daughter to understand. Edlyn didn't. She was furious at Mother for sending them away. Mother finally gave up and gave her a kiss, which Edlyn allowed, but didn't make a move to welcome.
There were soldiers all around the platform, some injured on their way home, and some were young and fresh, sent out to fight. When would her father come home? Would he come home at all? She saw Peter look at them longingly and she instantly became angry at him. That he could even think of wanting to join them, to think about leaving them. Leaving her. She hated this stupid war, and she hated that Peter wanted to fight, and she hated being sent away from her mother.
"The country is boring," she said, complaining about something mundane, instead of the war, which she knew no complaining could do anything about.
"Boring is safe, Edlyn!" Susan snapped.
"If Father were here, he wouldn't make us go," Edlyn continued. Her mother’s face crumbled and Peter looked at her, enraged.
"If Father were here, the war would be over and we wouldn't have to go!" His eyes were full of fire, urging her to be quiet and not upset Mother further.
Mother went on to fuss at Peter, who let her. "Promise me you'll look after the others?" Mother said pleadingly, while hugging him.
She heard Peter mumble back that he would. Edlyn wrinkled her eyebrows a little. She didn't need looking after! She was ten, after all.
But when it was time to board the train, Edlyn was unwilling to go. Susan had to push her to move.
"I know how to get on a train," Edlyn snapped, but kept dragging her feet. She kept looking back, sneaking glances at her mother. She would never admit it out loud, but she would miss her terribly.
A tiny hand slipped into her's and she looked down to see Lucy as sad and scared as she was. "Let's go, Edly," Lucy said, sucking on her lower lip, just like Edlyn used to do. Lucy hadn't called her Edly in years, and Edlyn smiled and squeezed her hand back.
She was grateful to Lucy for holding her hand, even if she'd never admit it. The four of them boarded the train in a miserable silence, none of them willing to leave their mother. Lucy, Peter and Susan waved to Mother as the train left the station. Edlyn didn't because there wasn't any room. They finally found an empty compartment and they sat down in silence.
**
11.
It was their first night in Cair Paravel and Edlyn was... not scared- she didn't think anyone could feel scared in this wonderful castle- but she felt uncomfortable. She wasn't sure if she had any right to be there. No matter what Aslan had said, she had done some horrible things.
Her room was so big, and the bed she was sleeping in would have been large enough for all of her siblings. Lying awake among the wonderfully soft sheets, Edlyn wondered how they would be able to do this. If the people of Narnia were to be trusted, then they were supposed to be the monarchs of Narnia! In a day's time she would become a queen! It was unbelievable and very, very scary.
There was a noise from the door that adjoined Lucy's room and Edlyn flew out of the bed ready to defend herself. The memories from her time with the Witch were still fresh in her mind and the scars on her back had not yet healed completely. As the door opened a blonde head peeked around the door sill. "Are you awake, Ed?"
Visibly relaxing and heaving a sigh of relief, Edlyn smiled and said, "Yes, Lu, yes I am."
A brilliant smile appeared on her sister's face and Lucy came into the room fully. "Could I stay here with you for a while?" she asked. "It's so lovely here, it's not that. It's just... I'm having trouble falling asleep. I've never slept in a room of my own before." Lucy looked shyly down at the floor.
Edlyn sat down on her bed again and patted the mattress in a silent gesture for Lucy to come and sit down. "Of course." She didn't say that she had trouble sleeping for the exact same reason, even if it was the truth. Some secrets an older sister should be allowed to have.
Lucy ran over and bounced on the mattress. "Thank you, Ed."
They laid down side by side in the dark. "Do you think we can do it?" Edlyn asked her after a while. Her voice was low and unsure.
"Do what?" Lucy asked and turned to look at her.
"This," she said, waving her hand, indicating the room and everything else. "Narnia. Being queens."
Lucy was silent for a while, thinking over what Edlyn had just said. "Yes," she said finally. It had taken her so long to answer that Edlyn started to wonder if Lucy hadn't fallen asleep. "I trust Aslan and he doesn't make mistakes."
"Not even me?" Edlyn asked, her voice small.
"You are not a mistake!" Lucy snapped, surprising Edlyn. "You have always been, and will always be, worth saving." Her voice was gentle and full of love, and Edlyn had never been more happy to have a little sister. It was like Lucy was reading her mind and allaying all the fears she didn't have the courage to say out loud.
Edlyn reached for Lucy's hand, "Thank you, Lu."
They fell asleep side by side, and in the morning, the world didn't seem so scary.
**
13.
Edlyn looked at the dress critically. It wasn't ugly, per say, just very... pink. "No," she said resolutely, hoping Susan would give up at once.
Obviously that was just a dream, as Edlyn knew well enough, even as Susan opened her mouth and said, "But Ed! Just try it on. You'll see how lovely you'll look in it!"
"No," Edlyn said again. "The day I'll wear that dress is the day I die, and no longer have a say. And I'll tell you this, if you bury me in a dress like that, I'll come back to haunt you! I swear." The dress was a light baby pink and there was no way in entire Narnia and beyond that she would wear that dress to her own knighting.
Susan, her nose flaring in anger, looked this close to stomping her foot. "Edlyn," she pleaded. "At least try the dress on before dismissing it."
Opening her mouth, ready to say no again, Edlyn looked up as the door opened. With her hands filled with brightly coloured dresses, Lucy entered the room. The dresses Lucy was carrying had nice colours, like blood red and forest green. Edlyn smiled and her eyes lit up. Spinning on her heel towards Susan, she said excitedly, "See! That's the kind of dresses I want to wear!"
Susan rolled her eyes and put down the pink dress. One thing about her older sister, she knew when to give up and admit defeat. "Well, let's see those dresses, then, Lu."
Beaming, Lucy arranged the dresses on Edlyn's bed and said, "I knew she would never agree to any of the dresses you wanted to put her in, so I got these instead!" She looked over at Susan, pleased with herself.
Edlyn wrinkled her forehead and said, "You've discussed my dresses?"
"Of course, dear," Susan said, with a dismissive wave of her hand. "Unlike you, we actually care about this occasion and have been planning for it for months. Your dress choices were made a month ago."
Edlyn looked at them puzzled and turned to Lucy as if to verify what Susan said, even if she had no doubts in the truthfulness of her sister's statement. Lucy nodded.
Shrugging, Edlyn went over to look at the newly arrived garments. Lucy had done well. She picked up a deep green dress made out of velvet and silk and went to put it on.
While changing she heard Susan say to Lucy, "At least you got her to try one of them on. I've been trying to talk her into doing that for thirty minutes now."
Lucy giggled. "It's all about the colours, Su. She's about to be knighted. She doesn't want to look like a girl."
Edlyn was astounded to hear how well Lucy understood her. She came out from behind the changing screen and cleared her throat to get her sisters' attention.
They both smiled when they saw her and Susan said, "That looks beautiful on you, Ed." Lucy nodded in agreement.
She twirled and the dress flew around her. She really liked it; the colour was wonderful and the fabric was so nice and soft against her skin.
"I think I want to wear this one," Edlyn said, and she laughed when Susan beamed with pleasure. "But where will I hide my knives?"
**
16.
The man had been talking for a while now, and Edlyn was incredibly bored. Even Susan, who had the longest attention span Edlyn had ever encountered, was starting to shift in her throne. Peter was softly snoring in his seat and Edlyn was unsure if she should loudly ask him to stop making such noise, or wait until the snores became full-blown minotaur grunting, which she knew would come soon. A pleading look from Lucy made her decide on neither and she kicked Peter in the shins instead.
He woke with a start and interrupted the man with a "Yes, that's very interesting," to cover up his impromptu nap. Of course, the only one who hadn't noticed the High King's behavior was the page who had been doing the talking.
Oddly enough, even though the man had been talking for thirty minutes straight, none of them were quite certain of what he was actually talking about.
"That's great, Master Lurn, but could you perhaps get to the point?" Susan asked in a mildly reprimanding voice.
The man, Master Lurn, blushed in shame as he realised that he had yet to make his point. "I'm sorry, Your Majesty. The reason I'm here is that my master, the Count of Delibree, wishes to ask permission to court Queen Edlyn of Narnia."
The entire hall went abruptly silent. No one had ever come to ask for Edlyn. No one. Plenty came for Susan, who after all was eighteen now, and some even came for Lucy. (Lucy's suitors were kindly asked to leave at once, before the High King felt the need to kill them.) But no one had ever wanted to court Edlyn. She was stunned. It wasn't as if she hadn’t ever wondered why no one came asking for her, and she had been a bit jealous when Lucy received suitors before her. But she had never yearned for them.
They were all looking at her and she realised that they expected her to say something. She looked around in panic, searching for the words.
"Absolutely not!" Peter thundered and got up from his throne. He looked quite magnificent, with his broad shoulders and tall frame. His eyes were cold as ice and the poor man fell back in surprise. "You can tell your master that I do not give him permission to court Queen Edlyn, as Queen Edlyn is not old enough to get married!" Peter's voice was loud and filled the entire room. "Is that clear?" he asked, his voice low and menacing. The poor man nodded as he scrambled out of the Great Hall.
The room was silent as Peter sat down again. "Was that all for today?" he casually asked the Chamberlain. When the Chamberlain conferred with his parchment before nodding, Peter quickly got up and said, "Court dismissed," before leaving.
The three queens sat still in a shocked silence, before Edlyn sprung up from her seat with thunder and murder in her eyes. Running after Peter, she didn't catch him until she saw him go into his office.
"What the hell was that?" she yelled as she banged open his office door.
Peter didn't seem too surprised to see her as he looked up from a piece of parchment. She knew he hadn't been reading it and that it was only a ruse to look busy. "Hmm?" he said, the lousy bastard.
"What the hell made you answer like that?" she said. "That was even worse than the first time someone came asking for Lucy!" Edlyn said, pacing.
Peter looked embarrassed and put down his fake important parchment. "I don't entirely know why, Ed," he admitted. "Just the thought of some bloke coming to court you made me unbelievably angry." He shook his head.
"I can speak for myself, Peter," Edlyn said, a bit milder this time. "I had absolutely no intention of saying yes."
A sheepish smile appeared on his face. "Sorry?" he said hopeful. "It's just... You're my best friend, Ed. I guess I just got a bit jealous of the idea of some man coming here and taking up all your time..." He scratched his head. "Will you forgive me? I promise to never do such a thing again." His eyes pleaded with her to understand.
She smiled and sat down on the chair next to him, reaching out to take his hand. "I will promise you this: I swear by the power of Aslan and my love for you and Narnia, that I will never leave for a man. I will never leave you." She looked him deep in the eyes and hoped he understood that she would never swear by Aslan unless she really meant it.
Peter's eyes widened in surprise. Then he squeezed her hand. "Thank you."
"But next time, let me be the one to tell him to fuck off," Edlyn said. "Like I would ever even consider a man who sends a bumbling idiot- who takes half an hour to get to his point- to speak for him. If someone wants me bad enough they will come to speak for themselves!"
**
20.
The Dancing Lawn was filled with merry bonfires, and fairy-lights were hanging in every available tree. It was Queen Lucy’s eighteenth birthday and all of Narnia had shown up to celebrate. All the monarchs' birthdays were considered a Narnian holiday (the Narnians never missed an opportunity to throw a party), but Lucy’s was considered a little more special. All of Narnia loved Lucy, and since her birthday was in the middle of summer, a giant party was held at the Dancing Lawn every year.
The sun had long since set and Edlyn was beyond the point of tipsy, as were her siblings.
"Edlyn! Come dance with me," said Lucy, dancing a few yards away from Edlyn, who was lounging under a tree with Peter.
Edlyn laughed, but shook her head. She was tired and felt quite cozy there, with her head in her brother’s lap.
"You must!" Lucy insisted. "It’s my birthday and I demand that you come dance with me," she said, swinging her hips from side to side.
Edlyn got up and curtsied in front of Lucy. "As you wish, my queen!" she said and took Lucy’s outstretched hand.
Together the two sisters ran across the lawn, giggling, dancing and twirling together.
After a while, a young, handsome man from Archenland came to intercept them. Facing them both, he said, "May I cut in?" gesturing towards Lucy, indicating that he wanted to dance with her. Lucy blushed a light pink, not yet accustomed to male attention. Edlyn nodded and pulled away.
As she watched Lucy being whisked out on the dance floor, a low voice whispered in Edlyn’s ear, "You have no idea how hard it is for me to not tell that bloke to go to hell!"
Edlyn smirked and turned in Peter’s arms. "You'll just have to get used to it. She’s eighteen and gorgeous. They’ll be flocking to our door."
Peter nodded thoughtfully, then his face cleared and his focus was solely on her. "May I have this dance, m’lady?" he asked with a bow.
She giggled and curtsied in return. "Certainly, m’lord."
**
22.
The garden was silent and the concealed door was unlocked like she had come to expect. As Edlyn walked up the secret hallway that lead to Peter’s chambers, she thought about how lucky she had been tonight. She had been balancing on a tight rope and, in hindsight, she realised she should never have gone alone.
She pushed open the door, which in Peter’s room looked like a bookcase, and was instantly greeted by a lively, warm fire. Sighing in relief, Edlyn shed her heavy cloak and let it fall to the floor with no thought of picking it up.
"Peter, you have no idea how happy I am to be home," she said as she continued into the room.
All she could see was the blond head of the person sitting in the comfy chair, and when Edlyn got no reply, she frowned and thought Peter might have fallen asleep.
"Peter, are you a..." Edlyn started to say, but then the figure rose from the chair and it immediately became clear that the blond hair did not belong to Peter.
"I’m not Peter, Ed," Lucy said as she turned to face Edlyn.
Edlyn looked at her little sister in shock, unable to say anything. Lucy looked hurt and angry. "Sit down, Ed. You and I are going to have a little talk."
Still in shock, Edlyn did as Lucy said. "Where’s Peter?" was all she managed to say.
"Asleep," Lucy said shortly and threw her head in the direction of Peter’s bed.
Frowning, Edlyn asked, "How the hell did you manage that?"
"I drugged his tea," Lucy said with a shrug and an unapologetic face.
Edlyn nodded and kept silent. Lucy obviously had something she wanted to say to her, and Edlyn was still too tired from her midnight meeting and too shocked to see Lucy there to take any control over the conversation.
"Where have you been?" Lucy asked, her voice low and her eyes boring into Edlyn’s.
Not expecting that to be the first question, Edlyn shied away. "I can’t tell you that."
Lucy’s eyes lit up with anger. "You will tell me!" she said. "I’m sick of all the sneaking about and shying away from the truth."
Edlyn closed her eyes, tired. There was an unspoken agreement among the four siblings: Edlyn sometimes did things they didn’t speak about, things that were good for Narnia, but should not be known. The one who knew the most was Peter. He sat up the nights she went away and welcomed her home without any questions. She never told him anything, unless he asked. She had made a vow to herself long ago that she would never lie to her siblings. Now that Lucy demanded to get some answers, Edlyn had no choice but to tell her.
"Are you sure you want to know?" Edlyn asked with a sigh.
Lucy’s face softened and she nodded. "I know it's bad, but that’s why I need to know." She reached over to take a hold of Edlyn’s hand. "I see how tired you get. I think it would be better if someone else knew the full extent too."
She leaned back, just enjoying the feel of Lucy’s hand in her own for a while, before opening her eyes and answering. "There’s a reason why you don’t know," she said, trying in vain to make Lucy change her mind. "It’s ugly and you will never be able to go back once you know it."
A nod and a tight squeeze of her hand and Edlyn started talking. For years now, she had built up a network of spies who reported back to her about everything that went on. She had spies in Galma, Terebinthia, Calormen and Archenland. Everywhere where there might be threats to Narnia, Edlyn had people reporting back to her. Her job was to protect Narnia before the need for swords arose.
Through all of this Lucy kept silent. When Edlyn finished talking, Lucy asked, "Where were you tonight?"
Edlyn involuntarily shivered. "I was meeting with the pack-leader of the western wolf pack."
Lucy gasped. "But- they aren't loyal to us!"
"I know," Edlyn said. "But their allegiance can be bought. That’s why I went to see Furback tonight. He was willing to negotiate."
"And you went alone!?" Lucy exclaimed in horror, fear of what could have happened written all over her face.
"Yes," Edlyn said calmly. "It was a mistake, but I did." Massaging her left shoulder, Edlyn mentally cursed her foolishness. Furback had, of course, brought more people than was agreed upon, and the minute she approached the clearing, she had been ruthlessly thrown to the ground.
"Do you do this often?" Lucy whispered.
"Go and meet dodgy characters in the night, you mean?" Edlyn asked with a raised eyebrow and a humourless smile. "Sadly, yes. Normally they don’t know who I am." Her face grew dark. "Tonight was an exception."
"Did you get what you went for?"
"Yes." As long as Lucy didn’t ask, Edlyn didn’t feel inclined to tell her exactly what that was.
Lucy wisely kept silent. "Why haven’t you told me about this before?" Lucy asked, after a few minutes of silence.
Looking wistfully into the fire, Edlyn said quietly, "I wanted to keep you away from this dirt. Your job is to keep this nation healthy and happy. Mine... is to keep it from falling into the shadows."
Lucy shook her head. "No. This is not something you should have carried on your own."
"You don’t understand!" Edlyn said forcefully, willing her sister to understand. "The things I’ve done, the things I’ve seen! I would never wish that on anyone. Do you know how many assassination attempts I’ve stopped?" Edlyn asked, leaning over her knees to get closer to Lucy. "Do you know how horrible I felt over all the ones I didn’t see coming? All the times you, Susan or Peter nearly got murdered because I didn’t do my job right?" Tears were falling down her cheeks and Lucy looked at her, distraught.
"But we’re not dead!" Lucy said, hugging her.
"Exactly!" Edlyn said. "That’s why it’s so important that someone does this job. And it always had to be me."
Lucy just nodded, not disputing what Edlyn had said.
"You have to promise me that you’ll never mention this to anybody," Edlyn said and looked at Lucy, her face serious. "The success of my missions lies in the fact that no one knows anything about them."
"I promise," Lucy said. Her eyes were serious and the burden of Edlyn’s tale was visible in her face.
Edlyn looked around the room again. The fire had almost burned out. "Will Peter wake tonight?" Edlyn asked, her voice oozing with exhaustion.
Giggling, Lucy said, "I expect he’ll wake any moment now." She rose from the arm of Edlyn’s chair where she had sat while hugging her. "I better go before he does. I expect he’ll be a bit cross with me."
Edlyn smiled, happy for the distraction from the previous subject. Lucy walked towards the door, but stopped before exiting. "I expect you're staying here tonight?" she asked.
"Yes," Edlyn nodded. "I can’t fall asleep if I’m alone after nights like these." Can't fall asleep without Peter.
Lucy left with a loving smile. "Good night then, my dearest sister."
"Good night, Lu."
When the door closed, Edlyn heaved a sigh of relief and started to undress. Lying down next to her immobile brother she snuggled close. Feeling her beside him, Peter rolled over and said sleepily, "You’re back."
"I am."
He circled her in his arms and drew her close. "Still you?"
"Still me," she answered and fell asleep in the warm embrace of her brother.
**
25.
"I don’t trust him," Lucy said as she barged into Edlyn’s office. Sitting behind her desk, reading a newly arrived report from her man in Calormen, Edlyn looked up and quickly removed the parchment from Lucy’s sight.
"Who don’t you trust, Lu?" Edlyn asked, even though she thought she knew who she was talking about.
"That slimy arse from Calormen who’s courting our sister!" Lucy exclaimed.
Edlyn smiled at Lucy’s language and rose from her seat. "And what do you propose we do about it?" she asked, mildly amused. Lucy should know by now that it was nearly impossible to talk Susan out of doing anything she set her mind to. For some reason Susan had decided she liked Rabadash of Calormen, even if it was plain to everyone else that he was dirty fish, and nothing Lucy or Edlyn said would change her mind.
"We can’t let her go!" Lucy continued. "You need to convince her not to go, Ed! She’ll listen to you!" Lucy’s voice was on the verge of desperate and Edlyn motioned for her to sit.
Seated, Lucy took a few deep breaths. "I just- I just have a bad feeling about this."
Edlyn nodded in agreement. "I know what you mean, Lu. Everything I’ve heard of Rabadash leaves me with a bad taste in my mouth, too." Their eyes met and Lucy nodded, understanding what Edlyn was not saying. "And Peter isn’t even home!" Edlyn sighed and mentally cursed Rabadash for the hundredth time. His invitation to Susan could not have come at a worse time. They had been planning the attack on the giants for months and just as Peter and Edlyn were about to leave, the letter had arrived. After reading the letter Peter had commanded her to stay at home and go with Susan to Tashbaan instead. Having no other choice than to follow his orders, and essentially agreeing with him that Susan could not go alone, Edlyn grudgingly stayed behind as Peter rode out to war without her.
"Susan refused to even listen to what I have to say," Lucy moaned. "She’s really angry at me. Just a minute ago she screamed that I just wanted to refuse her the right to be happy! Have you heard anything more ridiculous?" Lucy said, clearly offended.
"She fancies herself in love," Edlyn said with a snort. "There’s nothing we can do. All we can hope for is that she will see him for what he is when we are in Tashbaan."
Lucy nodded.
A knock on the door jolted the two queens out of their thoughts. "Come in," Edlyn called. A squirrel came in and said with a bow, "The captain of the Splendor Hyaline is here to see you, Queen Edlyn."
"Thank you, Maurry," said Edlyn with a smile.
"I’ll go then," Lucy said and stood up.
"Yes, you had better. I’ll see you at dinner, Lu." Edlyn’s thoughts were already with the captain and the planning of the voyage to Calormen.
**
26.
"I feel as if I’ve been here before," Lucy said and looked around the woods behind the Lamp Post.
"So do I, dear sister," said Peter as he tied his horse to a nearby tree.
"Then let us explore this unknown, yet familiar place," Edlyn suggested and followed Peter’s lead.
Only Susan was still seated on her horse and looked at them with doubt. "Shouldn’t we just go back?" she asked uncertain.
"Su! Where’s your sense of adventure?" Lucy admonished and sprang into the woods, Edlyn and Peter hot on her heels. Susan sighed, but followed as well.
**
10.
It was raining again and the four Pevensie children walked silently around the house without much conversation. It was unbelievable what had happened, and no words could possibly express what all of them felt.
Edlyn walked around in a daze, still not used to the body of a ten-year-old, still not used to being so small. Professor Kirke's house held no magic any more. It wasn't nearly as big and grand as it had seemed the first time they had arrived, so long ago. There was nothing to do and there was nothing to say, and Edlyn had never felt so broken before.
On the second day back, the second day of being back in England, the second day of being children again, Edlyn found herself drawn back to the spare room. Unable to stop herself, she walked in, hope of this all being a huge mistake still lingering in the back of her mind. The wardrobe was just as breathtaking as it had always been. The carvings were clearly identifiable as the story of how Narnia had come to exist. Professor Kirke had told them all about it when they explained to him why four fur coats were gone from his wardrobe. Edlyn had been familiar with the tale, so had her siblings, but it had been wonderful to hear the story from someone who had been there. For an hour, the ache in her chest didn’t hurt as much, and Narnia didn’t feel so very far away.
Deep in her own musings, it took Edlyn a while to hear the weak sobbing coming from the wardrobe. Approaching the door, she opened it up slowly, ready to defend herself, if necessary. With her back against the wardrobe wall, among the remaining fur coats sat Lucy with her head buried in her hands and her knees drawn up to her body.
With a sad sigh, Edlyn opened the door up wide and went to sit down next to her sister.
"I miss it so much I might die," Lucy said. A sentence that would have sounded overly dramatic in any other context felt just right now.
Edlyn nodded. "What did we do wrong?" she asked, knowing deep down that they had done nothing, but still felt the need to ask the question out loud in case Lucy had an answer.
"Nothing," Lucy said with a wail. "We did nothing wrong!" She sniffled and continued, "He must have a plan, He must. There’s a reason that we can’t see," she said in a voice that was desperate and she looked like she needed something to hold onto.
"Yes," Edlyn agreed. She didn’t doubt Aslan either. She knew He loved them, and He would never do anything that was bad for them.
She reached out to hold Lucy’s hand, needing something to cling to. It was a hollow comfort to know that she was not alone. And hadn’t she always said that no matter where she was, as long as her siblings were with her she would manage? Home was where they were.
"I love you, Lucy," Edlyn whispered, painfully aware that she didn’t tell her often enough.
She could hear the smile in Lucy’s reply, "I love you too, Edly."
They sat there in silence. Except for each other, the warm wood of the wardrobe pressing into their backs were the last link to Narnia they had left.
Finis.