Complete With a Water Slide

Sometimes I just get in a funk. I wouldn't call it depression, (it probably is) but I just get this 'meh' feeling about everything. I don't feel like reading and I don't have the patience to watch an entire movie (I stop it half way because I keep yawning all the time.) The internet is still fun though. Thank God for that!

I have no interest in school though.

I've talked with my psychologist and she says that I have anxieties, which is very correct. I subconsciously invent sickness (headaches, stomach aches.) ,this month it was trouble eating, so I can avoid going to school.

So now we have decided to call a spade a spade. I've promised to say when I don't want to do something, instead of getting sick. And mum and dad has promised to listen and help me as much as they can.

I'm just afraid. I'm afraid of going to school. I'm afraid of not making friends (I don't have many and I really have trouble making new ones.) I'm afraid of being rejected. I'm afraid of not succeeding. I'm afraid of everything! I'm afraid of growing up (responsibility scares me.) And most of all, (and this is really stupid one too!) I afraid of talking on the phone. This is a new discovery, but I've probably had it all my life. I just don't like talking on the phone, and I hate hate hate calling people, especially people I don't know. That's why I love emails so much. 

And I just don't fit in. I don't fit into this lifestyle all teenagers are living now. I have no problem with leaving my phone at home. (This easter we went skiing and I left my cell at home and when my brother found out he just looked at me and said:  "You FAIL at being a teenager." And I do!) I have no need for people to always be able to reach me.

It's funny really. When people ask you what your phobia is (and everyone has them) I always used to say that my biggest fear was snakes. (And I do hate snakes with a passion. I can't even watch them on tv. The ending of CoS still freak me out!) But it's not. Because compare how often I talk on the phone and is forced to call people and how often I a meet a snake... It's really a problem. Because in this day and age when the only way to be able to talk to anyone is by phone, well, not really a mystery on why I'm such a lonely person, now is there?

This week has been like hell. I have been having so much pain. My head, muscles and back are mean to me. I have slept almost the entire week, but it doesn't help. I think that when I spend a lot of time alone, (Which I've been this week) I get worse. My head hurts so much, I can't concentrate. And on top of that, I am soooo bored!!


On another note: Is it only me that don't get any e-mail alerts from ff.net?

I read a fanfic that was pretty angsty, but not that much. Anyway I started to cry, and I cried and cried, until I realized that I wasn't crying because of the fanfic. I was crying for me. I guess I needed a good cry 'cause I felt so much better after wards!

I just read the most funniest list: The List of Things Draco Malfoy is not Allowed To Do Go read it, I literally choked on my soda!

This is a bad day, I have never had such a bad day in ages!! My head hurts, its pounding so bad I'm sure you could feel it if you touched my head. Not only do my head hurt, I have to wear sunglasses inside because the light are to strong for my head (and mind) to handle. Noise.. is a no,no! yeah, and it hurts to move, by the way!!!!