Anxieties and phobias

[caramelsilver]

Sometimes I just get in a funk. I wouldn't call it depression, (it probably is) but I just get this 'meh' feeling about everything. I don't feel like reading and I don't have the patience to watch an entire movie (I stop it half way because I keep yawning all the time.) The internet is still fun though. Thank God for that!

I have no interest in school though.

I've talked with my psychologist and she says that I have anxieties, which is very correct. I subconsciously invent sickness (headaches, stomach aches.) ,this month it was trouble eating, so I can avoid going to school.

So now we have decided to call a spade a spade. I've promised to say when I don't want to do something, instead of getting sick. And mum and dad has promised to listen and help me as much as they can.

I'm just afraid. I'm afraid of going to school. I'm afraid of not making friends (I don't have many and I really have trouble making new ones.) I'm afraid of being rejected. I'm afraid of not succeeding. I'm afraid of everything! I'm afraid of growing up (responsibility scares me.) And most of all, (and this is really stupid one too!) I afraid of talking on the phone. This is a new discovery, but I've probably had it all my life. I just don't like talking on the phone, and I hate hate hate calling people, especially people I don't know. That's why I love emails so much. 

And I just don't fit in. I don't fit into this lifestyle all teenagers are living now. I have no problem with leaving my phone at home. (This easter we went skiing and I left my cell at home and when my brother found out he just looked at me and said:  "You FAIL at being a teenager." And I do!) I have no need for people to always be able to reach me.

It's funny really. When people ask you what your phobia is (and everyone has them) I always used to say that my biggest fear was snakes. (And I do hate snakes with a passion. I can't even watch them on tv. The ending of CoS still freak me out!) But it's not. Because compare how often I talk on the phone and is forced to call people and how often I a meet a snake... It's really a problem. Because in this day and age when the only way to be able to talk to anyone is by phone, well, not really a mystery on why I'm such a lonely person, now is there?

Comments

[sofisticat.livejournal.com]

*hugs*
It's a good thing to be able to say what you really feel. I'm glad you're able to say that you don't want to do something when you really don't.
And don't worry about failing to be a teenager. I failed at that, too. And those years will soon be over anyway. You're you, you're unique, and you don't fail at being you.

[caramelsilver.livejournal.com]

*HUGS* Thank you! It's hard you know, trying to figure out who you are, and coming to terms with that the person you are isn't the same person you think you have to be. (Did that make sense?)

[sofisticat.livejournal.com]

It did.And now that you're coming to terms with who you are, you'll like who you are.

[caramelsilver.livejournal.com]

<3

[vagabond-pixie.livejournal.com]

Oh sweetheart, I'm so sorry. *snuggles tight*

I know that feeling, of being so afraid of things. I've never made friends easily either, and I know how nervous trying to make friends can make you.

If only we were born in another time period hm? Maybe in Narnia or Hogwarts? Aw love, I'm sorry, I wish I could really give you a hug. Cyberhugs will have to do though. And you know, you always have me.

*huggles*

[caramelsilver.livejournal.com]

*Hugs thight* You have no idea how much I appreciate your friendship! <33

I would totally rock at living in Narnia! I would take up arching!

[vagabond-pixie.livejournal.com]

*giggles* Yes, lets move to Narnia. I would love to try swordfights, and archery and.........Gah! We need to move, definatly. *snuggles* Your amazing love, you gotta remember that.

[turkeyish.livejournal.com]

Aw, bb. *Hugs* I know exactly how you feel. I'm glad you and your parents have open communications - and hey, I'm here to hear you out if you ever need another ear. :)

[caramelsilver.livejournal.com]

Thanks dear. I guess this is one thing to know about me: I have *issues*, but I hear that admitting you have a problem is half the battle=) *hugs*