Drowning in school work!

[caramelsilver]

There's three weeks left of school, and suddenly I got a buttload of work to do. Yesterday I got the offer to try and change my English grade from a 5 to a 6; which I of course took. So now I'm making a presentation about the UK General Election. I think I'm doing ok, but I'm performing it tomorrow, so I'm real nervous.

Then there's a rapport about the school trip we went on last week, that has to be done by tomorrow evening as well.

On Wednesday I have to turn in an essay about death and my view of it. (Tell me: Are you afraid of dying? What do you think happens afterwards? Do you think of death often? Please help me!!)

I also have the end of term exam in English on Wednesday as well. So I'm going to be happy when Thursday rolls around next week.

Don't expect to see me around.

Here's a short ficlet I wrote on comment_fic the other day:

Charmed, Chris Halliwell, pathological liar

Here, in this time, in this world, (because it feels like another world,) truth has no place for Chris. The truth becomes hard to tell. A lie is so much simpler.

Even just the simple stuff. Piper once asked him if he liked oatmeal cookies, he said that yes, he loved them, even though he had loudly proclaimed them to be the spawn of Satan all through his life.

When one lie after the other slips past his lips, as easy as orbing, he doesn't know what to think.

Why does he keep doing that? There is only one lie that he needs to tell, he needs to keep his identity, and the reason to why he is here, hidden. Everything else should be allowed, right? They don't know him. They don't know he's going to ever exist. What does it matter if Piper knows his favorite kind of cookie? It's not like she can recognize him based on that. Not like she can recognize him based on any of those small facts that makes up Chris, because she doesn't know him yet.

Deep inside he knows the answer, he just doesn't want to admit it. One truth might lead to another one, and he's never been good at lying to his mother in the first place. Why risk it. And the lies doesn't hurt her; she doesn't know yet that they should.

Comments

[animus-wyrmis.livejournal.com]

Tell me: Are you afraid of dying? What do you think happens afterwards? Do you think of death often?
Briefly: No, nothing, nope.

I'm not afraid of dying--I mean, I don't want it to happen to me anytime soon, and if I'm in a situation where death seems immanent I'll be scared. But I'm not afraid of dying in general; it'll happen and that's cool. Death doesn't really frighten me as a concept, it's more like WAIT I HAVE SO MUCH SHIT TO DO.

I don't think anything happens afterward. I mean, my body will decompose or whatever, I guess not if it's cremated, and that will be that. Since I think that all of my thoughts and personality--all of me--is just in my brain and my brain chemistry and that stuff, I think it'll stop existing when my brain stops working. I don't think there's any afterlife unless you consider the whole circle of life thing to be an afterlife, and I don't.

I don't really think about it much (except sometimes when I'm depressed). But I never sit up and think "Crap, I'm going to die and then what?!" Sometimes I do think, shit, if this car crashes right now who will make sure my parents don't read my journal?! (Or more frequently, OMG MY PROF WILL THINK I DROPPED HER CLASS AAGH.)

[caramelsilver.livejournal.com]

Thank you for answering my questions! Death is a really tricky subject (which is why I asked you all for your opinions.) I hope you won't be offended when I say that that sounds very depressing? I really hope you're wrong, and that something will happen after we die, because I'm terrified of dying.

Sometimes I do think, shit, if this car crashes right now who will make sure my parents don't read my journal?! -- HAHA! I'm frequently thinking the opposite actually, or, if I die right now, then who will tell my LJ friends that I'm dead?? I haven't told my mum that she needs to do it, cause she will call me all morbid and shit!

[animus-wyrmis.livejournal.com]

I've never understood why people think it's depressing! It doesn't depress me at all. I feel very lucky to be alive at all, and very lucky to be still alive since there are lots of people in the world who don't have that much luck. I guess I also feel like--does a flame feel badly when it goes out? I won't be around to be depressed about it, any more than I was around to be depressed about not being alive.

I have rl friends on my flist too, so I usually figure one of them will deal with it!

[kaizoku.livejournal.com]

I was just wondering, what is your header image from?

[caramelsilver.livejournal.com]

It's from a Norwegian movie called Max Manus :D

[kaizoku.livejournal.com]

Cool! Thank you. :-)

I hope this is helpful

[ayascythe.livejournal.com]

Are you afraid of dying? What do you think happens afterwards? Do you think of death often?
I've finished reading Pratchett's "A hat full of stars" just yesterday and there was a quote in it that is quite fitting (vaguely translated, because I couldn't find the quote online):

"I think you need to cross the desert," she said.
What's on the other side? Arthur asked.
Tiffany hesitated. "Some people believe you reach a better world," she said. "Others believe you'll return into this world with a different body. And then there are some people who believe in Nothingness, that you'll just cease to be."
And what do you belive? Arthur asked.
"I think there are no words to describe it," Tiffany said.
Is that true? Arthur asked.
"I think that's why you need to cross the desert," said Tiffany. "To find out."

Most of the times, I'm too terrified to think about death, but when I do that's the only thing I can come up with: that it's a concept too abstract and too complex to ever be properly grasped by the human mind. How could we ever claim to know what it's like? I think we're all wrong.

Also: good luck with your exams!

Re: I hope this is helpful

[caramelsilver.livejournal.com]

That's a beautiful quote! And it actually helped me write a page of the essay today, so THANK YOU!

I'm not afraid of saying that I'm shit scared of dying. I do not want to do it, I'm terrified that nothing will happen. I'm afraid of nothingness.

And thank you! =)=)

[redsilverchains.livejournal.com]

The idea of death doesn't frighten me. I believe there is a life after, there is something that comes after.

But. I guess I'm afraid of it coming TOO SOON, you know? When I see stuff on the news about accidents, calamities...well, it freaks me out. I want to live, really live in this crazyterriblebeautiful world first. And I don't even want to think of those who'll be left behind.

Aside from that, I think along the lines that JM Barrie did: it would be 'an awfully big adventure'.

Kind of fanciful, I know. But that's how I like to think it.

[caramelsilver.livejournal.com]

I'm shit scared of dying. I do believe in an afterlife... or I used to, and I'm sure that when I get through this teenage/OMG I HAVE TO BE AN ADULT SOON crisis I'll go back to believing that. But right now my logic brain is screaming that there is nothing after and why aren't you living your life to the fullest, fool!?!?!!?

Yeah, so scared of dying, scared of not living my life right.

I really like that quote. It's so very hopeful.

oh, on the fic...

[redsilverchains.livejournal.com]

CHRIS. I loved him so much!

They don't know him. They don't know he's going to ever exist.
Aw, Chris. I remember being so sad when he was dying, and then baby!Chris was born and the girls said they didn't lose him after all...

But then again, the Chris-as-we-knew-him was gone forever. I remember being torn up about that!

Re: oh, on the fic...

[caramelsilver.livejournal.com]

CHRIS IS MY FAVORITEST HALLIWELL EVER! I LUUURVE HIM AND HIS FAMILY ANGST! Which is why the only Charmed fics I'm able to write is all about him and is *~issues~*.

Thank you for reading and telling me you did=)=)

[13oct.livejournal.com]

Are you afraid of dying? What do you think happens afterwards? Do you think of death often?

No, I'm not afraid of dying. I rather now die anytime soon, because I love my family and don't want to leave them; but otherwise, I don't fear it.

What happens next... well, I've been bought up in two different faiths, and both talk about what happens to one's soul. I'm Catholic and Hindu, (I know it's an odd combo, but my parents came from different faiths, and so brought us kids up following both religions!) and so I do believe that my soul will go to a better place.

I can't quite get myself to believe in reincarnation, despite all the odd stories you hear, and I don't quite know about re birth. This is the Hindu side of me talking. *scratches her head* I'm not very religious, so I tend not to take a lot of both religions too seriously. *shrugs* But, as you can tell, I'm certainly not an atheist.

I don't think of death often at all. I have talked to my husband, and let him know exactly what I want done, as in - I have clearly told him that I don't want to be buried, but cremated, and that I want all my organs donated etc. But besides that fact, and wondering how my online pals will find out that I've conked, I really don't give it a thought.

Hope this helps! :)