New ficlet
Dec. 21st, 2007 12:36 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
caramelsilverI am being really productive lately. I have written an other Narnia fic! Well it's more like a ficlet on 700 words. But I really like it when I get attacked by a plot bunny. I have so much fun writing and I think I'm getting better and better.
Here it is. I will probably re-write it later. But I would be really happy if you would read it and give me some feedback. Constructive criticisms is really good. Remember this is just a first draft but I could really need some feedback.
Frost- by Caramelsilver aka Cirolane aka Caroline
Frost
When winter was in its coldest months, king Edmund the Just have a scar on his stomach that felt as cold as the weather outside.
A young king was lying on his comfortable bed in his castle Cair Paravel. He was holding a warming bottle on his stomach. You might think that the young king only had a terrible tummy ache, which would have been a good educated guess, since you don’t know the story behind all this. Edmund would not have minded the slightest if it was just a regular stomach ache, but alas the boy was experiencing an ache that is much worse.
Two years ago Narnia was bewitched by an evil witch. The White Witch made it always winter and never Christmas! The Narnian people saw no way to end their misery until Edmund and his sibling arrived. We will jump over all the boring details that I am sure you know already; let’s just say that Edmund used to be a very beastly boy. He met the witch and got tempted by her offer of sweets, he betrayed his siblings and it could all have ended very badly if not Aslan had arrived and saved his siblings. Edmund could have died if Aslan hadn’t gone in his stead.
After Edmund was saved from the witch’s captivity he was a changed boy. He fought in the battle, beside his brother Peter, against the witch’s army.
Now we are finally arriving at the crucial point of our story. In the middle of the battle The White Witch almost killed Peter. Edmund saw it and tried to prevent it. Luckily the young boy had enough sense to strike the wand and not the witch herself (because then he would surely been turned to stone.) After the wand was broken, the witch stabbed Edmund with it. He could have died. He would have if it wasn’t for his little sister and her magic cordial. What Lucy and Edmund didn’t know was that inside the wound lay a few ice crystals from the witch’s wand that was stuck to Edmunds flesh. Sadly those crystals were not removed before the wound was healed.
When the first Christmas the four monarchs of Narnia celebrated as kings and queens came around, Edmund experienced a terrible coldness in his scar. It came every night when it was at its coldest. He had to suffer through it until the end of January when it suddenly stopped.
They where all very puzzled at what had happened, but no one could come up with an explainable answer. They consulted every healer in their country but no one could explain it. They were all happy when it stopped.
So back to the young king Edmund lying on his bed. Christmas came again, Edmund had experienced an exciting year as king and he had almost forgotten about the curious thing that had happened to him last winter. He thought about it sometimes though and he suspected that it would come again this winter too. He was right. At winter solstice, the darkest day of the year, his scar froze again. It was like frost bitten into his flesh and it kept him awake all night. When morning came the pain lessened down to almost nothing. But every night it came back.
The last couple of nights he had been unable to sleep and he had used the time to think about his problem. He thought that he had come to the most logical answer and when he shared it with Peter, Susan and Lucy they all agreed that his answer sounded very reasonable. Edmund could never know for sure, but he was pretty sure that his conclusion was right. Every winter night in the coldest months the particles from Jadis’ wand that was stuck in his scar longed to get out and make the winter last forever.
They had always wondered why he had that scar. Lucy’s cordial never left any scars. They decided that it had to do with the witch’s magic.
Looking back Edmund doesn’t mind it- the scar or the pain. He wouldn’t have done it any differently if he had gotten the chance to change it. He saved his brother and he saved Narnia. Narnia was safe and that was all that mattered. And if he had to bare this curse forever, he could do it. If anything it was a constant reminder on what he used to be like and how he could never let himself be like that ever again.
Here it is. I will probably re-write it later. But I would be really happy if you would read it and give me some feedback. Constructive criticisms is really good. Remember this is just a first draft but I could really need some feedback.
Frost- by Caramelsilver aka Cirolane aka Caroline
Frost
When winter was in its coldest months, king Edmund the Just have a scar on his stomach that felt as cold as the weather outside.
A young king was lying on his comfortable bed in his castle Cair Paravel. He was holding a warming bottle on his stomach. You might think that the young king only had a terrible tummy ache, which would have been a good educated guess, since you don’t know the story behind all this. Edmund would not have minded the slightest if it was just a regular stomach ache, but alas the boy was experiencing an ache that is much worse.
Two years ago Narnia was bewitched by an evil witch. The White Witch made it always winter and never Christmas! The Narnian people saw no way to end their misery until Edmund and his sibling arrived. We will jump over all the boring details that I am sure you know already; let’s just say that Edmund used to be a very beastly boy. He met the witch and got tempted by her offer of sweets, he betrayed his siblings and it could all have ended very badly if not Aslan had arrived and saved his siblings. Edmund could have died if Aslan hadn’t gone in his stead.
After Edmund was saved from the witch’s captivity he was a changed boy. He fought in the battle, beside his brother Peter, against the witch’s army.
Now we are finally arriving at the crucial point of our story. In the middle of the battle The White Witch almost killed Peter. Edmund saw it and tried to prevent it. Luckily the young boy had enough sense to strike the wand and not the witch herself (because then he would surely been turned to stone.) After the wand was broken, the witch stabbed Edmund with it. He could have died. He would have if it wasn’t for his little sister and her magic cordial. What Lucy and Edmund didn’t know was that inside the wound lay a few ice crystals from the witch’s wand that was stuck to Edmunds flesh. Sadly those crystals were not removed before the wound was healed.
When the first Christmas the four monarchs of Narnia celebrated as kings and queens came around, Edmund experienced a terrible coldness in his scar. It came every night when it was at its coldest. He had to suffer through it until the end of January when it suddenly stopped.
They where all very puzzled at what had happened, but no one could come up with an explainable answer. They consulted every healer in their country but no one could explain it. They were all happy when it stopped.
So back to the young king Edmund lying on his bed. Christmas came again, Edmund had experienced an exciting year as king and he had almost forgotten about the curious thing that had happened to him last winter. He thought about it sometimes though and he suspected that it would come again this winter too. He was right. At winter solstice, the darkest day of the year, his scar froze again. It was like frost bitten into his flesh and it kept him awake all night. When morning came the pain lessened down to almost nothing. But every night it came back.
The last couple of nights he had been unable to sleep and he had used the time to think about his problem. He thought that he had come to the most logical answer and when he shared it with Peter, Susan and Lucy they all agreed that his answer sounded very reasonable. Edmund could never know for sure, but he was pretty sure that his conclusion was right. Every winter night in the coldest months the particles from Jadis’ wand that was stuck in his scar longed to get out and make the winter last forever.
They had always wondered why he had that scar. Lucy’s cordial never left any scars. They decided that it had to do with the witch’s magic.
Looking back Edmund doesn’t mind it- the scar or the pain. He wouldn’t have done it any differently if he had gotten the chance to change it. He saved his brother and he saved Narnia. Narnia was safe and that was all that mattered. And if he had to bare this curse forever, he could do it. If anything it was a constant reminder on what he used to be like and how he could never let himself be like that ever again.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
on 2007-12-21 12:36 am (UTC)no subject
on 2007-12-21 05:32 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2007-12-21 07:02 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2007-12-21 11:10 pm (UTC)